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Hosting the Academy Awards is an extremely tough gig, or so everyone will have us believe from all of the hoopla surrounding the selection process. So after Chris Rock, David Letterman, Ellen and Billy Crystal, the next logical choice was obviously Hugh Jackman. And since sarcasm sometimes doesn’t come across in text, we present 10 People Who Would Be Better Oscar Hosts Than Hugh Jackman.
And if you can’t wait for Sunday, here’s a list of the dumbest sh!t said by celebrities for your enjoyment.
10. MINI CHRIS BROWN AND MINI RIHANNA
Everyone is always asking for the Oscars to be shorter, and now they can have their wish with Mini Rihanna and Mini Chris Brown.
9. VINCE
We had to give Vince the nod over our choice for #8 (after the jump) because we’re not only obsessed with the Sham Wow!, we can’t get enough of the Slap Chop. Plus, this guy could sell us on House Bunny winning Best Picture.
8. BILLY MAYS
Billy used to have the market cornered but we had to give the nod to Vince because Billy looks like he should be selling Brylcream.
7. PATRICK SWAYZE
We wish for the days of Dalton ripping the guys throat out on Roadhouse, but we’re sad to report that Swayze is in pretty bad health. In turn, we’re playing the role of the Make-A-Wish foundation and granting him the master of ceremony duties.
6. WOLVERINE
The Academy was onto something with Hugh Jackman, but we wish they would have taken it a step further and had him host as Wolverine. Then maybe he would kill anyone whose speeches ran over.
5. FABIO VIVIANI FROM TOP CHEF
Dude has got mad skills at wooing the ladies and thought he might be good at getting some of the starlets to show us their sweater puppies. Plus we could listen to this guy talk for hours.
4. CHESLEY “SULLY” SULLENBERGER III
We’ll listen to whatever Sully tells us, and really want to see how everyone reacts when he announces the presenters without an iota of excitement in his voice.
3. TRACY MORGAN
We don’t even know what to say which is the greatest part with Tracy Morgan. All we know is that he’ll be shirtless and probably talking about getting all of the ladies pregnant at the after parties.
2. LISA LAMPANELLI
C’mon, just the thought of the Queen of Mean Lisa Lampanelli ripping Hollywood apart gets us wet. Imagine the look on Mel Gibson’s face when she starts hating on the Jews.
1. NORMAN GENTEL
He’s basically Hugh Jackman, only funny. Guy can sing, he’s comfortable with his gayness, and kills us every time he’s on camera. We can’t get enough of this guy and would love to see his opening number ala Billy Crystal.
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